Our Vietnam Family Vacation
When travelling with your children to countries with cultures far different from your own, it is easy to fall into the thinking that they will experience a place with the same excitement and marvel that you do.
Travel is a two-way experience. As travellers, we don’t just experience the places we visit, we are also being experienced by those who live there. We are vessels of our own culture—from the clothing, we wear to our mannerisms and general conduct; it is all being observed and judgments are being made about our entire country based on how we present ourselves.
Vietnam has long been a place dear to my heart; just reveling in the beauty and humility of its people is part of the reason why.
That said, during the four times I’ve been to the country, no one has ever paid me much attention.
Bringing our two very-blonde daughters to Vietnam was quite a different story.
In many of the places we visited, the girls’ heads were touched, people took photos (sometimes they asked, other times they did not) and, on more than one occasion, an entire mob of people surrounded us just get a look at them. This happened in a market in the small town of Binh Phu.
Of course, it was all harmless curiosity—or so I thought—until the moment that my 6-year old daughters broke down in tears when a young family asked if they could take a photo of her with their young son. Regrettably, I obliged without asking for, and receiving, my daughter’s consent.
It had not occurred to me that this was not an enjoyable experience for her.
In her words, “I felt uncomfortable, like I didn’t have enough personal space, and I didn’t really like it. I didn’t like a lot of people wanting to touch my hair or take photos. It felt like I was famous. But I didn’t like how it felt.”
In addition to my desire to have my daughters most importantly enjoy their experience I also want them to be tolerant and accepting of all they experienced in a foreign country. In thinking this, and acting towards the attention they were receiving I hadn’t done my duty as their father, by simply protecting their space.
We continued this discussion with both daughters (although the younger one was not quite as affected) long after we left Vietnam.
We have tried to use that experience to explain just how important the curiosity of other cultures is; it is our ability to maintain wonder and curiosity when we visit a foreign country that makes travel what it is – makes the world a place worth continually discovering
But that is not always what our children see. Depending on their age they may not even care about the beautiful architecture of the gentrified or historic area of town where you’re getting them ice cream or a sweet; they just want the damn sweet
They may find it interesting that everyone looks different from them, but they may feel incredibly uncomfortable when they discover it is they who are considered “different.”
Of course, each child is unique and I’m not at all suggesting you don't take your children to Vietnam (or elsewhere). The point is to be aware of how they may be experiencing the trip. Ask them how they’re doing, what they’re experiencing, if they feel safe and if they’re comfortable. Ask about their preferences—if they just want to hang out in the hotel room one day to rest or if they want to see more sights.
It’s their trip as well. You’re responsible for ensuring that the memories you’re making with them on this trip are positive ones that will inform their evolution into conscientious adult travellers.